New Nightmare

For years, rumblings of a dark force had been spreading across the sea. Legend has it that the ruthless tyrant Baagaa Kinguu (バーガーキング) had unleashed this menace upon the Japanese countryside sowing confusion, delight, and despair. Little was actually known about this monster, the “Kuro Burger”, which had only been a rumour perpetuated by the Western Foodie media.

In September of 2015, summoned by a twisted monarch, this dark menace finally crept into American lives. This monstrosity adapted to it’s new environment, taking the form of a beloved quarter pound beef icon. Differentiated only by it’s sinister black, A.1.™ infused sesame seed buns, it became known as the Halloween Whopper.

 

I was first alerted to the presence of the Halloween Whopper on September 25th by @pdxkeith, who stumbled upon it accidentally in the Burger King drive thru. This was my nightmare; as I had grown older each fast food quest left me dehydrated and drained from the experience and I had left the hunt behind (save the occasional 2:30AM Jack In’ The Box run). This one especially frightened me but I knew at some point I’d have to come out of retirement and confront this demon.

 

On October 18th, after ducking the Halloween Whopper for over 3 weeks, I knew it was finally time to battle the forces of evil. The following is an actual account of my first attempt to confront the nightmare head on:

 

This burger was my destiny, had I failed? Would I never get to taste the bold, savory A.1.™ buns? How could I call myself a burger fiend when I had let myself be defeated by the King’s limited-time offer? This was my new nightmare. I had to give it one more chance:

 

I immediately headed home to rest, the fight had left me fatigued and nauseous. I felt sick, yet vindicated. I had done it. I had confronted my fear of the Halloween Whopper head on, devouring 2 of them in a single sitting. This story seems to have a happy ending but I was changed by the experience. I knew I would never be able to step away from the burger game, no matter how vile my adversary appeared. The Halloween Whopper was a harrowing experience, one that I would feel for days later.

 It was actually good, if you like Whoppers.

It was actually good, if you like Whoppers.


 Bold and tangy.

Bold and tangy.