One question people always* (*never) ask me is “What’s your favorite holiday?”
Christmas? Halloween? Fourth of July? No. ALL WRONG. The world’s most important holiday of all time (aside from the day Shakira was born) is NATIONAL CHEESEBURGER DAY.
Some think of September 18th as National First Love Day. This is correct if you are like me, and your first love is a cheeseburger. If you celebrate National First Love Day without consuming a burger, you are entirely wrong and need to learn that the only true love in this world is between a sesame bun with a perfectly seasoned patty and gooey melted cheese.
It makes my heart sing when I can finally wrap myself up in a cozy sweater and scream “FALL IS HERE!” as I take the first bite of my pumpkin spice burger. The way I can go up to any burger counter and say "trick or meat!" and they give me something good to eat. Waking up early Cheeseburger Day morning, and peeking around the staircase to see what Burger Claus left by the chimney. The way we gather to decorate the burger tree, singing burger carols and spreading the yuletide cheese. The way fireworks go off after a first bite into a bun.
As with the lesser holidays like Christmas or Hannukah, National Cheeseburger Day can come with its own stress. The pressure to get the perfect burger can be quite a burden. Sure, there’s the classic quarter pounders or the fast food one night stands, but they just don't satisfy that empty hole in my arteries.
As a person of experience and tradition, I go to Killer Burger every year to celebrate stress-free, and this year was no exception. I try not to pick favorites, but this is my favorite burger of all time, so each year without pause we celebrate our National Burger Day/National First Love Day anniversary.
I walked into Killer Burger and ordered my usual National Cheeseburger Day selection: the Peanut Butter Pickle Bacon burger. The first time I met this burger, it was love at first bite. *cue love montage*
My burger arrives. The song “Stellar” by Incubus starts playing."How do you DO IT?! Make me feel like I doooo,” I ask my burger. The burger does not respond, but it’s okay -- it’s not very into PDA.
The Peanut Butter Pickle Bacon Burger is a perfect combination of thin, crispy patty marinated in peanut butter of perfect consistency. A sweet pickle adds a tang in which no other burger can ever compare. And of course, bacon (‘nuff said). Each bite is as delightful as the first time. This is what true love feels like. I start busting out some R&B love songs, expressing my true feelings. Burger rolls its eyes and tells me I’m embarrassing it! We like to joke around with each other like that.
Alas, within 10 quick minutes, it’s all over. We tearfully say goodbye and promise that we’ll see each other again soon. I say “I’ll never let go” and Burger says “I’ll wait for you...”
I start reciting “I pledge allegiance, to the burger…” as fireworks go off in the distance and a symphony fades out. Until next year, National Cheeseburger Day. *tear*